Insomnia and memories

As I sit here, holding my insomniac newborn, feeding her and praying that tonight she will sleep, my mind starts to wander. I am attempting to conjure up some song that would come close to being appropriate to sing to her to lull her off into dream land. Alas, it is not forthcoming. But, it does make me think of my dad. Growing up, Dad would lull me off into dream land many a night with his, and others', songs on the guitar. I would lie awake at night listening to him play "Amarillo By Morning", "Silver Wings", "Tequila Sunrise" and many more....so proud that my dad was such a fantastic musician, and even early on, feeling so inadequate and unworthy as his daughter.

I remember a certain family reunion in Los Alamos, New Mexico: we had a talent show and Dad was playing and singing in it and I was supposed to play some piano something. Dad played right before I did and he sang a song that he wrote when I was little about me. Needless to say, I couldn't stay in the room. It is a fantastic song, but to this day, I cannot listen to it because it makes me feel so unworthy to be his daughter...like such a bad daughter because I know I've disappointed him and Mom sooooo many times. To this day, especially now that I no longer live with them, listening to him play and sing makes me cry. I love it! I love listening to him...it's just...I don't know. Something about it.

Someday I hope to come up with a song to sing to my little girl to help her go to sleep. Mom sang "Country Roads" to me; maybe I should learn it. Until then, I'll hum whatever is in my head and remember...

Well, 8 days after the last post on here, the 28th of June, our baby girl made her appearance. She was 2.5 weeks early, but my doctor thought it was about time for her to come out. She was a beautiful, and big, 7lb 5 oz, 21.5in long. Unfortunately, or fortunately, she has lots of dark hair, just like her daddy. Everybody keeps asking if she'll end up with red hair like me...I guess we'll just have to wait and see.

It's weird having a new baby in the house. It's weird having another person in the house. Part of me really misses it being just us, but I know that having her here will be such a blessing. We just have to get through the rough, days and nights switched, no sleep period before I can fully appreciate her being that blessing.

On another note, it's really hard to keep house when you're not used to having to look after somebody else all day long. I baby sat when I was younger, but not a whole lot. I changed my first diaper the day we got home from the hospital. I'm figuring out that I'm not such the sound sleeper I thought I was. :)

Anyway, hope all is well in blog land. I'll leave you with this picture of us:

So it's been a while...yet again.

I am taking a summer class - Elementary Statistics - with my husband. We are actually enjoying it. He has to take it and I'm just doing it for an elective. I loved algebra in high school, and this stuff is so much algebra. It just comes naturally, which is really nice. All of my political science classes are very analytical, very thought-provoking. It's nice to take a class that I'm enjoying without having to think too hard to do well.

I'm also taking an English elective online. It's entitled Studies in Fiction. We are reading many books that I have never heard of, writing many papers, and just generally having to analyze a whole lot of stuff! It's kind of turning into a difficult class...unfortunately.

My dad, Panhandle Poet, has been writing a lot about music lately. Growing up, music was completely ingrained into me. I took piano lessons for umpteen years, always had a piano, always had music in general around me. Mom and Dad both are very musical, and my younger brother and I both, thankfully, inherited this lovely talent. Some of my most favorite memories are sitting at the piano with Dad behind me on the guitar, just singing and playing. We could do it for hours! It didn't even matter what...hymns from the hymn book, Eagles, George Strait, Steven Curtis Chapman, all different stuff. Sometimes, he'd just sit there and name off stuff for me to play while he listened. He and Mom were my biggest fans and playing for them was always fun. Now that I'm married and in a different town, playing the piano for them has become a challenge. I don't ever feel prepared or good enough anymore because I don't get to practice as often. It's a quandry I haven't quite figured out how to solve yet. Someday, I want to make a cd of me playing or playing/singing for them...it'd be a great tribute to all their hard work, sacrifice, and time spent on me and my piano-playing fingers. Someday...

Deepest apologies

My deepest apologies for being so lax in keeping this thing up. Life is crazy right now, and some things just don't seem to have priority.

I've been working on cleaning out our house. Granted, we just got married this past August, but I have been amazed at how much STUFF we have and have accumulated over these past months. We are both such pack-rats that it is ridiculous what we keep and what needs to be thrown out. With my sister-in-law coming to live with us in August and the baby coming in a month, it's time for things to get cleaned out, organized, and back to normal!

I am such an organized person, in most things, that this mess really has been driving me nuts since we got married, I just haven't ever found the time to fix it. I thought moving into these apartments would help. It did, just not enough. Our storage unit is full, closets are full, boxes under the bed are full...there's just no more room!

How do people do it when they've lived in a house for 30 years?

Marriage

It truly breaks my heart to see people struggling in their marriages. I have been so blessed with a great marriage. Arguments are few and far between and they are always resolved!

I don't, however, understand the need for some people to argue. It's like they get energy off of it. Then, running away is never the answer. Granted, a cooling-off period might be necessary, but never for more than a couple of hours.

I just want to help. I want to sit down with them and make them talk and work it out. I know it's not my place and that all I can really do is pray for them, it's just frustrating. Marriage should be enjoyable. Of course there will be arguments and of course it's hard work, but it is a union blessed by God and therefore should be a joyous occasion.

I guess I'm just rambling. I just wish I could help...

Doctors

"Dear hubby" went back to the burn unit today for a check-up. All looks good. They said the burn was so deep that normally they would do a skin graft, but since it was such a small wound, it wasn't really worth going through surgery for. But, as it is, they had to burn off these small bubbles of cells that were trying to push through from the bottom to start the skin growing back. They used silver nitrate, and he said he could feel it in the bottom of his foot. I can't imagine what it felt like...burning skin off again of a burn. But, he goes back again next week for another check-up. They said it could take up to 2 months to fully heal. Apparently burns are always the slowest to heal. I guess it's because of the severity of the wound.

I go back to the doctor this next week. I'm ready for another check-up. These false labor contractions are getting old, really quickly. I'm ready to know just exactly what to do and how to know if I'm really in labor or not. It's slightly scary being an hour from the hospital. But, I'm sure everything will be fine.

Friends

Growing up, we moved a lot. About every 3 years or so, Dad would change jobs and we would pack up and head off. I always said it bothered me, but looking back, it really did make me a stronger person. Granted, I have never had really close friends, but the friends I have have been good ones. My husband, on the other hand, lived in the same town, with the same people for 16 years. That is just insane to me. I think I inherited my dad's restless spirit when it comes to moving. We've been in our apartment since the 1st of February, but I'm beginning to get bored and wanting to try something new.

Moving has not hurt me, though. It has forced me to not get too comfortable in one place because it can all change in an instant. It has, I think, made me more appreciative of family and of the unique bond between family members. It has also made me much more appreciative of the friends I do have. Being married has been an interesting challenge for me. I now have a best friend whom I can talk to about anything and can share all of life's experiences with. But as far as "girl friends" go, it's been difficult. We are each other's best friends, and married friends or outside friends just don't seem quite as important. They are, no doubt about it, it's just a difference in priorities, I suppose. We got involved in this newlywed Bible study last semester and it has really been good for us. Apart from us growing stronger in our walk with Christ through the studies, we have made some fantastic friends. Unfortunately for us, they are all from Arizona and all plan to return after graduation. Last night, eating and watching basketball with them made me remember how fleeting happiness is, and how quickly things can change.

Growing up is hard. I sure do wish there were an easier way to learn these lessons...