As I sit here, holding my insomniac newborn, feeding her and praying that tonight she will sleep, my mind starts to wander. I am attempting to conjure up some song that would come close to being appropriate to sing to her to lull her off into dream land. Alas, it is not forthcoming. But, it does make me think of my dad. Growing up, Dad would lull me off into dream land many a night with his, and others', songs on the guitar. I would lie awake at night listening to him play "Amarillo By Morning", "Silver Wings", "Tequila Sunrise" and many more....so proud that my dad was such a fantastic musician, and even early on, feeling so inadequate and unworthy as his daughter.
I remember a certain family reunion in Los Alamos, New Mexico: we had a talent show and Dad was playing and singing in it and I was supposed to play some piano something. Dad played right before I did and he sang a song that he wrote when I was little about me. Needless to say, I couldn't stay in the room. It is a fantastic song, but to this day, I cannot listen to it because it makes me feel so unworthy to be his daughter...like such a bad daughter because I know I've disappointed him and Mom sooooo many times. To this day, especially now that I no longer live with them, listening to him play and sing makes me cry. I love it! I love listening to him...it's just...I don't know. Something about it.
Someday I hope to come up with a song to sing to my little girl to help her go to sleep. Mom sang "Country Roads" to me; maybe I should learn it. Until then, I'll hum whatever is in my head and remember...
7 comments:
You are and never have been unworthy. We love you and those memories you're talking about are probably just as precious to us as they are to you.
Your sweet newborn daughter will get her days and nights straigtened out and whatever you hum or sing to her will be wonderful. She will get to grow up hearing her mother play the piano so beautifully that she may have similar memories of her childhood.
Hang in there - our catch phrase - "Things will get better! I promise!!!"
Tools was a baby rabbit
He was a friend of mine...
Chin up kiddo, we're extremely proud of you. Always have been!
Being a new parent is hard. I can remember walking the floor plenty of nights with mine when they were infants. It's just part of it.
You write from the heart and this is much like a song!
A daughter's actions may sometimes disappoint a parent, but more times than not a daughter's actions make a parent proud enough to sing a song. Your parents sing your praises.
10-4 Cousin Willy (you know who)
Hi,
I found you at Strawberrys blog and I assume you are her daughter.
There are times when I feel the same way about being a daughter...like I have never done enough for my parent/s but you know what.....parents never see that part,they dont even realise that you have done that and you do the same with your baby!
Its a wonderful circle of love
I dont have a baby to give advice butI can say confidently that this time will pass !!!
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